Do you like the season of life you’re in? Or are you wrestling with it?
Do you love your season, or feel stuck in it, or maybe you just daydream about the next one?
On any given day, I’m all of the above.
My stage of life is not easy, and I’m grappling with it.
By all accounts, the days are good. The children are small and needy and healthy and messy and cute. Our marriage is real. Our home is a haven. The days are good AND the days are hard.
Some days I feel like the little red racecar from the plot of a children’s story, revving revving revving and eager to go… only to spin my tires in wet earth, get covered in mud, and stay stuck.
Some days, thankfully, the grace of God is balm for my busy being.
What season do you feel stuck in?
Right now my stuck truly is a season, as my children age my stuck will change. I love them deeply and cherish their chubby little fingers, but part of my soul just feels… stuck.
I feel stuck in the sticky floors and sporadic sleep and the money bleeding from my bank account while I skip work to rock my sick sweetheart instead of sending her to daycare.
My heart feels the loss as the coworking team I love meets in person for the first time in years (or ever!) while I faithfully hold down my fort at home. The personal cost of extended travel in this season is too great.
My burden to write sometimes feels like just that — a burden. It’s as though stoking my passion actually just allows me to watch as the margin I tried to make melts into a puddle of partially used minutes. This season always has more unexpected.
Am I doing it all wrong?
I don’t think I am. I am where I need to be doing what matters most to me.
But it’s still not easy.
Just because I’m where I need to be doing what matters most to me, doesn’t mean I don’t struggle. Doesn’t mean I’m barely holding it all together some days.
I happen to believe our Creator loves us so much He wants a personal relationship with us, in this life, and forever.
So, a special moment with God helps get my soul unstuck in this season. See if it does for you too.
Different seasons have different kinds of stuck.
Your ‘stuck’ might be totally different than mine. Or you might be exactly where I am. (If you’ve been here with 3 kids 5 and under – please leave your wisdom in the comments!)
Is my young family a blessing? Absolutely!
Am I thankful every day for the squishy cheeks I kiss goodnight? You bet!
Is this the hardest thing I’ve ever done? Uncategorically.
Although we’ve had our scares and moments of crisis, we are well. Well-supported, well-loved, well-resourced. And yet. It’s still. so. hard.
Sure, I probably need to care less about laundry piling up and crushing crumbs into my socks, but those things bug me. Wish they didn’t, but they do. And ya, I probably have expectations of myself that are too high. I’m working on that.
Then there’s grace. That unearned favour from our Heavenly Father that is so gentle, compassionate and good.
Complaining to God is good
In the grand scheme of all that is — my messy, stuck season is a pin prick on God’s radar. However, unlike my finite focus, God’s attention is infinite. He is able to care about my pain, and yours, even while having a bazillion ‘bigger’ fish to fry.
No need to minimize our struggle. We can bring ourselves before God — our real selves.
The scripture is full of those people.
My real-life prayer
So… one day, on my hands and knees, I prayed.
But don’t get the wrong idea. It was more like i complained.
Scrubbing up another plate that got flung to the floor by baby-fingers…. I grumbled to God.
I’m worn out. Weary. Wishing for a rest.
I challenged the God of all, of whom scriptures say “in Him all things hold together.”
And I challenged the God that says “come to me and I will give you rest.” and “my yolk is easy and my burden is light.”
Ya God? You’ll give me rest? Will you really?
You’ve got this, God? Do you really? What, are you gonna come clean my house, Jesus?
If I don’t, then who? Who will take care of my kids? Who will take care of the dishes?
This warm thought, like kind words from a friend, comes to my mind’s eye…
Who puts breath in their lungs?
Who stretches the stars across the galaxies?
How quickly and easily I forget.
Sometimes I can get so swallowed up by what I’m doing that I forget.
? I’m not the One that holds it all together, He is.
?I’m not the Source of soul rest, He’s is.
?I’m not the Bearer of an easy yolk, He is.
? And in all that I’m trying to do to feel like an accomplished human being contributing to the world in meaningful ways, I’m not going to achieve any type of inherent worth. It’s already given to me (and you) from Him.
Yes, what I do – whatever that is – matters. What you do matters. We have real opportunity to make a difference in the world by how we live and love.
But this is the good news: It’s not all on you.
And it’s not all on me.
We don’t need to do all the things and be all the things and have all the things.
We need Jesus. I need Jesus. I need Jesus to change me in my stuck season and make me new in my stuckness.
Scripture invites us to “ repent, therefore, and turn back. That your sins may be blotted out, and that refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord.” (Acts 3:19-20)
You know what part I often miss about the rest and refreshment that God offers? I miss the part about turning from my sin. How often is it sin itself that exhausts me?
I’m writing this as much for me as I am for you, my good reader. So glad you made it this far 🙂
What have you learned from God in a season of struggle?
If you’re not even sure about Jesus, what have you learned about yourself in your season?