Expecting? Know someone who is? I hope this delivers enough encouragement and strength to share.
We found out we were pregnant with our 1st child on our 1st anniversary. I had my suspicions, but I was waiting to take a test until our anniversary because – how fun is that?
That morning, I could hardly wait to get up and pee on a stick.
Sure enough, I returned with a grin on my face and a plus sign in my hand to cheer “happy anniversary!” A moment I will never take for granted.
Only seconds passed before I realized… if there’s a baby growing in me, there’s a baby that has to come out of me.
Oh crap.
Giving birth can be a totally intimidating prospect, especially when you’re pregnant with your first.
Even then, if your first birth experience was a difficult one, it can still be daunting to prepare to “go through it” again.
So – in classic me-form, I launched into research mode. Reading stories, listening to stories, asking questions, doing research, exploring my options and just flat-out diving in to the physiological science of birth (real-life, unbelievable, transformational super-powers!!)
Some of that was helpful. Some of that wasn’t…
I’ve since birthed two more beautiful babies. With my first I had preeclampsia, my second I had a precipitous birth, and my 3rd I had a home water birth. If you’re birth story obsessed like me, I’ve written about all three! Just follow those links.
At the end of it all, there are 3 things that prepared me for labour and birth that I’m SO thankful for.
While ever labour can have its curveballs, every time it was all about relax, relax, relax and there were 3 game-changers that made that possible.
** Disclaimer ** I am not a birth expert, and I’ve only birthed three babies. I share this to add to the ocean of positive and empowering both stories out there in the world!
So – if you’re expecting, or know someone that is, this is for you.
The 3 BEST things that prepared me for childbirth:
1. A Trusted Support Team
Before, during and after. Surrounding myself with a good support team I trusted and who knew my hopes really allowed me to relax and go with it.
When you trust that the people around you have your best interest at heart, you feel safe. And when you feel safe, you can relax.
This one can look different for different people, depending who you are. For me, this meant:
My husband, of course. And this could be any loved one you feel safe with, of course!
Midwives. After looking at the differences between midwives, OBs and Family Physicians, I chose a midwife because their reputation and approach made me most comfortable and confident.
A Doula (Just like you can run a marathon without a coach, you can labour without a doula. But it’s way better when you’ve got one. I found mine at The Doula Group.
These people came in particularly helpful with my 1st when my care was transferred to an Obstetrician due to preeclampsia. My midwives instilled trust in the fabulous OB, my husband and doula stayed right by my side, and it allowed me to continue to relax and surrender in the face of uncertainty (a little bit of my backstory, OB’s used to make me nervous). OB = our birth-complication super-star.
I also need to add this support team game-changer:
A Mom-ing Support network, for everything motherhood! Old friends, new moms, facebook groups, baby groups… people you can lean into and be real with. Mountain Momma Collective is a fabulous new maternal support network in my area and a great example of support for new moms. But it can be as simple as friends on Instagram to start. Cuz it takes a village. Literally. Connect with mom friends and ask a million questions.
2. Knowing My Rights, Options, and Preferences.
Birth is a miraculous thing, and there are a lot of options, approaches and ‘norms’ that really vary around the world.
Knowing my rights and preferences before I was in the thick of things was empowering.
I also researched and talked about what options I would have in different common scenarios before they were happening.
I knew I didn’t have to do anything I didn’t want to.
This allowed me to relax in the moment. Not because I had a plan that I was sticking to, but because I felt empowered to make informed choices.
Understand some basic birthing language, intervention options, and pros / cons to different procedures. Every time, this gave me confidence in the care around me. Every. Time. And it made me an active participant in the birth process. We were a team.
How did I do this? A few AMAZING resources…
Binge-listening to The Birth Hour podcast for months (if you don’t have months, don’t worry!) – hearing positive birth story after birth story. From home births to c sections and everything in between. For the first time, I started getting excited about the opportunity to give birth.
Diving into The Pregnancy Podcast, an incredibly well-rounded source of research review about all-things pregnancy, labour and birth. This was especially helpful when I was curious not only about standard procedures but also about the pros and cons of alternative options.
Tune into the Informed Pregnancy Podcast. Gold mine. I didn’t find this one until my 3rd but I wish I had it all along! Gold.
A pre-natal class that covered the basics. We found ours at Serenity Birth Studios in Barrie, presented by a birthing nurse at the local hospital. It gave us the opportunity to look at some options, have great conversations and feel more prepared.
Read Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth If you can only do one thing – read this. It’s the best thing I read!!!!! I wish everyone could read it.
Reading all the research I could find, best positions to labour, best labour practices, labour history, labour intervention strategies and statistics, the physiology of delivery, the rights I have as a woman in labour.
I became a labour nerd. Ok let’s be real, I’m STILL a labour nerd. I love birth. We don’t all need to become birth researches… but I DO recommend knowing your options and rights in broad strokes ahead of time. Ask your healthcare provider to talk this through with you and recommend some resources.
Justin would say the best thing he read was The Birth Partner!
But, when it comes to childbirth, everything is your choice.
Understanding the choice you are making can be freeing. And being free means being relaxed. Which is exactly what we need for birth.
3. Know How to Relax.
Have I mentioned relaxing yet?
Labour seemed to be all about relaxing and surrendering, relaxing and surrendering, relaxing and surrendering.
There are tons of helpful birthing strategies out there that are valuable for women in labour. The point isn’t to say childbirth is this air-fairy, just free your mind and throw some potpourri and it’ll all be great, thing. It’s one of the toughest challenges, but also one of the most meaningful!
So – do you know what relaxes you?
Once it starts, it starts. Whatever is happening, is happening. And the best thing I could do was relax and surrender. I have heard that from so many women…
So, do you know what relaxes you?
Is it soft touches? Hot showers? Great music? Silence? The smell of lavender? Being alone? Being embraced?
Essentially, fear and tension in the body can make labour more difficult because the body needs to do the opposite, relax and open. While there’s a lot of proof about this out there, I can just echo that it was true from my experience.
With every labour, the better I relaxed, the better it went.
I had no idea what to expect when labour started the first time, and I had no idea how I’d respond to the challenge! If you’re like me, you might not even know what will relax you.
So, I practiced ahead of time. Do you know what relaxes you?
Now… at the risk of me painting the picture of three perfect, zen, kumbaya births, Justin says I didn’t look as relaxed as I felt. But the keys were in my mind, body and soul.
Here’s what really worked for me:
– Relaxing my mind.
Our thoughts are so powerful, especially when it comes to birth.
I kept my mind relaxed by:
Thinking “yes, this is good. Yes, this brings my baby. Yes, this is good.” with each rise of contraction.
Repeating the scripture about the presence of God. I’m a person of faith and I trust in a personal, life-giving, loving God who is always with me. I held on to that.
– Hot water.
I love hot water so I asked for a labour tub (it was fabulous!). That was where I spent the majority of my time for my first birth, and gave birth in warm water for my third!
– Relaxing my face.
I read a great tip along the way: tension in your face reflects tension in your body. My fabulous doula would gently remind me “keep it out of your face… keep it out of your face” and as I relaxed my face, my body would relax. You can practice this while you go to the bathroom, relax your face and lips. TMI? You’re welcome.
What about you? What relaxes you?
Moms – what helped you relax while you laboured?
Please share the most valuable things that prepared you for birth! 🙂
Whoever you are, whatever birth story is ahead for you, I hope this leaves you feeling strong and empowered. Because you can do this!